Losing someone you love is never easy. There is no one proper way to grieve in which all your problems are fixed and everything feels normal again. I recently lost my beloved cat, best friend, and baby—Corduroy. He came into my life when I was twenty years old, and he got me through some of the hardest moments of my life thus far. From an emotionally traumatic break-up, to moving across the country and starting school again, and all the tribulations in between, he was there for me with unconditional love. Always wanting to see me, be near me, and love me, even when I wanted to leave myself.
So what happens when that is gone? When the one thing keeping you going and you loved more than yourself leaves this world? When their existence changes from a part of your everyday to a soft sadness constantly reminding you of seeing them pass, but also of all the good times you shared?
Corduroy is a series of contemplative works exploring the range of emotions I am currently experiencing. Made from deconstructed cat toys—Corduroy’s favorites—each piece is a quiet meditation allowing me to exist in my feelings and process. These pieces are not fully finished works, but rather samples beginning a new train of thought, one I will continue to explore.
I know loss is nothing unique to only me, everyone has and will lose someone. For me, stitching takes me to a space where I can give my brain and heart the time to process and mend. Grieving is a spectrum, and I am fully enthralled in it.
Horribly strange and overwhelmingly large, a monster is unruly in nature. We use monsters as personifications of our fears, weaknesses, and desires. One of the biggest monsters in my life is anxiety. This can be all consuming at times, but through sincere forms of playful commiseration it can be managed. I materialized my anxieties in the form of monsters that I interact with as a coping mechanism: a way of confronting and then comforting–creating a space for my viewer to project themselves into the work. Each monster possesses a dark playfulness that gives light to the muted theatricality that anxiety often embodies.
I Can Never Say What You Want Me To Say
2016, digital print from shadow puppet performance
This series of small embroideries explores personal issues of anxiety, self-deprecation, pity, and shame. Each piece consists of microscopic aspects of the human body with hidden text relating to the organ’s function, as well as issues of mental health.